How to Conquer the Comparison Game

Darling Days

Jul 24


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The most requested topic you girls ask me to write about is social comparison.

Imma gonna get straight to the point: YUP, you got it – in our culture, comparison definitely feels pretty much inescapable. *Especially* with platforms like Facebook, Snapchat & Instagram acting as tyrants over our smart phones (and maybe lives…joking, but am I?). Being a blogger, sometimes I get lost in a black hole of “what ifs,” “she has,” like-counting, comment-scoring, and the never-ending competition of who has and who has not. But the the 24-year-old very-single-girl-in-me  who lives in the 21st century wakes up and realizes everyone is dating someone, engaged, or married…already? My gosh, I’m only 24! But let’s twist it the other way. We could play the grass-is-greener picture when it comes to careers, blogs, jobs, resumes, yada yada on and on. So what picture did I just paint? It’s one big intermingled, tangled-up mess of a web of “haves” and “have nots,” brewing social anxiety that starts with the simple seed of — yup, you guessed it: comparison.

First things first…

There is no winner in this game. When we finally grasp one thing, there’s the next thing. When we get what we’ve been waiting for, there’s someone else doing it better. That person isn’t going to go away, and guess what? Social media is here to stay (It makes me frightened for my future kids, but that’s a whole nother blog post, ammright?!) but what must change is your mindset. I’m gonna get to that below.

Underneath comparison is a deeper issue: Let’s dig way deep under any jealousy, self pity or coveting and what do we find? It’s often a heart issue; it’s an insecurity, a judgement, a past hurt, maybe sadness, anger, or a fragile spot. Getting down to really what’s making you feel “less” inside is more productive than putting the other person or thing on a “higher” pedestal. Remember: we are our own worst critic – and awareness of that is a big, hard, and difficult step.

Once you’re aware, blinders are crucial: Put on your blinders, sisters, because this is the hardest part. I overheard a 60 Minutes segment that my Dad was watching about how smartphones are hardwired to make our brains addicted to them. How in tha world am I supposed to put on my blinders, Jessi, if I am inadvertently addicted to my phone? That’s a great question. I can’t magically snap my fingers and everyone reading this no longer deals with comparison (side smile: wouldn’t that be nice?!) In all seriousness: this is a boundary you have to set with yourself. Yes, you. This takes work; there’s another word for it and it’s called self-control. The temptation to compare will never change, but how you handle it can change. Here’s how to practice it:

  • Take a day off social media once a week. For the last few months, I’ve chosen Fridays. Although I can’t completely escape, this day is dedicated to me and staying present. I’ll share a secret: it’s my favorite day of the week. This is an overall refresh and recharge system and it works miracles.
  • Hobbies and pastimes are totally underrated. Getting out and doing things, breathing in fresh air, playings sports or getting in that workout gets our minds focused on having fun and staying healthy. And mentally, it’s so much healthier than scrolling through our Facebook feeds.
  • Every time I feel myself starting to compare,  I ___. Fill in the blank, y’all. Every time I start to walk down a black hole of comparison, I pray. Every time I start to check Instagram for the 5 billionth time that day, I play fetch with Chloe or read the Bible. Training yourself to find an alternative is a step forward.
  • Count your blessings: This is my favorite — y’all. One of the best ways to stay grounded in love and not social comparison is to remember and feel thankful and blessed for what you do have. Count those blessings, and keep yourself in a state of praise – which will help you combat any negative temptation towards social comparison.

Try to remember…

There is only one you. Use it to your advantage: I feel like one of the worst parts about comparison is that it brainwashes us to be more like someone else or strive for something else. However, in the blogging industry, your individuality is what takes you apart from the millions of girls trying to do the same thing out there. My life coach last year suggested the word “robotic” for the blogging industry – as suddenly every person starts to look and act the same. People will follow you when they see you for you, not someone else in you.

People remember character, not the # of likes you have or what you did last weekend: We all know those people. It’s the blogger buying likes (it’s so sad how big of an issue this is with the new algorithm update) – or the old friend who feels like he/she needs to prove how exciting their life is 24/7. BUT… all those “things,” “snapchats,” “likes,” and “efforts” are quickly forgotten. What is remembered, however, is a person’s character, and humility through it all. Remember that.

Things aren’t always as they seem: I couldn’t stand by this more, especially being a blogger who knows exactly what goes into an “effortless-seeming” #ootd photoshoot. Guess what: there is nothing about what I do that is effortless (LOL). The idea that the grass is greener on the other side is easily believed when today’s pictures don’t convey reality. Keeping grounded in a state of truth is key.

YOLO. BC we only live once. I know that walking down the path of jealousy or comparison can take a LOT of pasttime and do absolutely nothing with it except make you feel worse. So next time: think YOLO; I bet your bottom dollar that you can spend that precious time elsewhere sister. Try and keep that joy and peace and foster it — not deplete it.

Hope you girls loved this! How do you tackle the comparison game? Would love to hear from you!  XOXO <3

featured image via Pinterest /

image via bloglovin via pinterest

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  1. CareY

    Thank you so much for sharing this post! As someone who has just recently started blogging, it’s been really hard to look at my social media following versus other bloggers I follow and admire. I think taking one day a week off social media is a brilliant idea! Thanks again for sharing your insight!

    xo, Carey
    https://thedaintydetails.wordpress.com

  2. Ray

    Thanks for making this post. I’m four months into blogging and it really hasn’t been a smooth journey. I was figure and stats obsessed for a minute till I snapped out of it and remembered why I started. I started blogging as a personal challenge because I find it hard to finish what I start. I started blogging to break out of that habit and so it’ll remain. It’s a different journey for everyone and it’s best to avoid comparisons because everyone’s circumstances isn’t the same.

    http://www.underaytedray.co.uk

  3. Akshaya

    Such a good post for a Monday morning, thank you! I totally agree with the count your blessings part – I’ve recently gotten into this habit and I have felt such a big difference in my outlook towards blogging!
    Akshaya
    http://www.theiyerorder.com

  4. Jennifer

    Wonderfully written! I’m going to try to use the tips when ever I find myself comparing me to someone. I jus got back from camping in the UP and I had no service. It was nice not having to deal with social media but of course I lost followers because of it.

    Jennifer
    Effortlessly Sophisticated

  5. Tabitha

    I really needed this this morning! It’s a great reminder, even as a 24 year old single girl like myself, to slow down and not compare myself to everyone else or see how many people my age are married with kids. I’m still a kid, haha! I sometimes need that reminder to stay in the moment and not get carried away by comparisons or social media 💜

    Tabitha
    https://shopsiloe.com/

  6. Laura

    Absolutely loved this post. You are not only a fashionista you are a talented writer.

  7. Kate

    Weekends for me are my “days off” of social media. I do still go on Facebook, but don’t feel the need to update my Instagram or Twitter. And I love it because then on Mondays, social media is like a “forgotten Christmas present”
    Kate
    Katekoutures.com

  8. MAdeline

    This is so refreshing. You have a beautiful soul dear girl! Keep up the hard work, you’re a gem! Xx

    missmadelinerose.com

  9. Kritsida

    I love how you are so in-tuned with your inner self! I am 25 and still figuring out how to put my blinders on. These posts are so great because it reminds new bloggers like me that not everything is as it seems.
    x. kritsida
    http://aperfectcanvas.net/

  10. AAnchal

    Similar to the comments below, we have just started our blog, and although we know it’s a long journey ahead of us, it’s easy to get caught up in the number of likes and followers you have or don’t have. I have been a follower of yours for quite some time, and I truly appreciate the great content you create, especially this one. Keep doing you 😘
    Aanchal
    http://www.blushnivy.com

  11. Kim

    Thanks Jess I really needed to hear that you know God always send somebody to give us a message and today God thank you

  12. Lisa

    You’re such a lovely and eloquent writer, Jessi! I’m so thankful that my job doesn’t really revolve around social media as that would drive me crazy. I use Instagram occasionally to get inspired and connect with others but it’s so easy to start drinking in all that is on social media that it becomes depressing. Balance is definitely key! Social media is definitely an interesting media; since anyone can post on social media, It can really suck you in. This is a long-winded way of saying: I agree that setting boundaries and framing your mindset is KEY! Hope you have a lovely week! 🙂

    Lisa
    http://www.theeverydayelevated.com

  13. Laura

    Love this! Needed this reminder today (and always!) great idea about a social media free day!

  14. Daresha P.

    I love this topic . I’m a new blogger and I always look at other people’s Instagrams / blogs and compare myself when in fact those people have probably had my same struggles and have worked on their brand for a while. All I can do is be patient and let go and let God. I love that you can give us insight on this topic and how you feel about it. Thank you again.

  15. Catherine

    This post is exactly what I needed to hear. I am 23 and have been feeling so left behind, alone, lost, inadequate, etc. compared to my peers. But i have to remember that social media is essentially a fantasy; its a world people create to put online that makes others think their life is all cotton candy and unicorns. I’ve realized that it may just not be my time to bloom right now…but eventually I will. I trust in the timing of God and the universe & am working on reminding myself of that every day. yes I will be successful, yes I will find love, yes I will accomplish x, y, & z. I think its important for people of our generation to remember that as it seems like everyone is on the fast track. We simply need to appreciate the little things in life; stop and admire the butterflies; and realize that we are all where we are supposed to be.

  16. Chelsea magowan

    Thank you for writing this! It is so true!

  17. Caryn

    I just quit social media, cold turkey. Now its a badge of honor not to participate.

  18. AManda

    I love this so much! Really helped me to think of ways to stop social comparison. I am definitely going to try to take a day off from social media once a week, I think that is such a good idea and I feel like it will definitely rejuvenate me and ground me! Thanks so much Jessi!
    Amanda Carmela
    http://www.carmelalatte.com

  19. Amber Shannon

    Jessi,
    First of all, you’re wonderful. This is a fantastic post with a great reminder and great message. I’ve always liked to follow you because you’re humble and down to Earth. I know you take the time to go around the blogger community and support fellow bloggers, and that’s awesome! We definitely need to support each other, but as individuals, we have to maintain a realistic mindset too. It’s hard, but can for sure be done!

    With Love & Style,
    ♥ Amber
    ALL THE AMBIENCE

  20. Joni

    A very well written post!!! I’m much older than you and probley most of your viewers, but I found this good for all ages. I wish at a younger age I would of had this amazing insight. We are all individuals who are just trying to conquer “This Thing Called Life”. (Thxs Prince) You all are amazing people with the biggest hearts to do what is good. Stay grateful for all you have and your life will be amazing and you’ll have no time for comparison. Thanks again for sharing this! I wish all the best to you and others for being brave! Xo 🙂

  21. Kaytlyn Ferrando

    Thank you for sharing this post. I love the idea of taking one day off a week from any social media. It is so important to set time aside for yourself and others without any distractions. My husband and I recently put a time limit on our social media before bed. It is such an easy way to unwind from the day but can put space between us. Taking a break from it all has helped immensely. Comparing yourself to others is such an easy thing to do and I love how you use other methods of distraction to keep your mind from wandering down that dark path. Thank you for sharing this 🙂

    cookingwithkaytlyn.blogspot.com

  22. Ann thOmas

    Girl, this is the best post I’ve ever read! So true and wonderfully written.

  23. Lindsay

    I loved this post! It has really inspired me to take a day off from Insta. Thank you for sharing such an honest post! xoxo, Lindsay
    http://www.polkadotsandgin.com

  24. Julie

    Where did you get the girl power shirt? I would love one! I am trying to start a business and also start blogging and you are inspiring! I loved so many of your points you made and want to incorporate them into my own life! Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable! I will definitely be reading through more of your posts to get inspiration!

  25. Nasreen

    I really needed to read this! As a new blogger it’s easy to look at the big girls (like you!) and think ‘ok this is impossible’ but for me, my therapy is my kids! I try and shut down when they’re home from school til they go to bed and really focus on what matters to me most which is my family 🙂 thank you for sharing this!!!
    Nasreen
    http://Www.heynasreen.com

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